“Lord, I don’t understand what existed at the Beginning. It sounds as if you are describing Your own birth as well as the birth of the universe. What were You before the explosion of Creation? A pregnant nothingness?”
A passable description. There was a Self, timeless, without reflection, still and at peace, like calm waters, lucid, not nothing, but not something either. The universe contains many things, not just somethings and nothings.
What kind of Nothingness can explode into Being? Ah, I thought, maybe a Nothingness that is not just nothing, but is the Plenum of Potentiality for All Things. Perhaps the possibility of all things cannot fail to spill over into some actuality.
I could not settle any of these questions in my own mind. All I could do was to continue to ask questions. “Lord, what was there before? What motivates the act of creation?”
I received the following words and images which I recorded in my notes.
“A feeling of loneliness, of searching, reaching—not yet a Person. Expanding into the great emptiness of Nothing, which is ‘infinitely empty’ far beyond (far more empty than) empty spaces. ‘Who am I? What am I? Am I an I? What is an I?’ A chaotic feeling of the infinite rushing at the edges.”
“Lord, why did eternity ‘shatter’ in this way? Did the still, self-sufficient stuff explode?”
I received the sense: “Brittle, crystalline, too perfect, static, isolated, removed, alone, bored, incomplete. The eternal already had the potential to be a Person but could not do so without creating time.”
And I also got the feeling that God desperately wants to be understood.
